Monthly Archives: June 2006

produzentin cuisine: La Rambut

produzentin is very much in love with fruits. They help me dropping a few pounds here and there. Fruits are my diet especially if they are tasty and have furry names, like the Rambutan, whose name derived from the Malayan word rambut which means hairs.

This morning I went to Chinatown and got this bundle of Rambutans. For a couple of days I like to use them as decorative accessories with my paper fruits, which I bought recently. And then, day by day, pick a few from the bundle. Tasty!

tasty delights
White cube

split me open
Eat me

produzentin cuisine: Walnut Cake

I love tasty little snacks. And these adorable walnut cakes are on top of my list. They are a korean speciality. Two shops in Toronto’s Korea town produce and sell the stuffed nuts. I can’t decide which filling is best, red bean paste and walnut is very delicous but so is mashed potato with walnut or almond. Ahhhh, I have them all anyway!

I was told they were once a delicacy at the Korean royal court and became wildly popular all over Korea.
Treat yourself like a queen and get a walnut cake.

More walnut cake fun:
Watch the walnut cake machine in action
Get chestnut, pumkin and maple molds for the machine

walnut heaven

try them all

on bloor st. w.

produzentin cuisine: Rappers and Poppers

Fill Me Up!

I am so happy that food week has won the poll, because I love my little treats. For that very special occasion, I got this juicy produzentin logo. Get ready for the sausage fest.

All you haters step back: produzentin eats Rappers and Poppers for breakfast. They taste so good. Hot jalapenos and melted cheese in a ball or stick… What more can you ask for early in the morning?

The Votes Are In

“What produzentin eats” won the poll for the next theme week at produzentin.com. Buddenbrooks are just a short step behind, so there will be some Buddenbrooks here and there. Egolf just wants to know.

I will start the food week either tomorrow or FridayMonday, depending on how my cooking and grocery shopping adventures go. I will provide the recipes of some of the delicious meals, just to make sure you don’t need naked Jamie Oliver anymore.

And please don’t make me do the next step after food week: What goes down in produzentin’s bathroom (you don’t want to know about her dumps).

I’m glad that I’m not the only one left with love for Mariah and Kanye. At least they got a few votes. Poor things.

food wins

Why didn’t I see this earlier?

Sometimes even I am not as gay as I want to be. I had never watched Mommie Dearest until 2 days ago when I rented a copy of the re-released DVD. On Monday, I watched it for the first time, yesterday, I’ve seen it with the John Waters audio commentary switched on.

Mommie Dearest is considered a gay camp classic. It was the big winner at the Razzies in 1981, taking home 5 awards of the 9 nominations. This is always a good sign.

The film is based on the book written by Christina Crawford, the adopted daughter of actress Joan Crawford. The book was one of the first tell-all stories about the childhood and relationship with a celebrity mother.

Many scenes in this movie reminded me of the John Waters classic, Female Trouble, which was shot before Mommie Dearest. The scenes when Christina childplays an actress, her mother, brought the car accident Taffy plays in Female Trouble to my mind. Or when Taffy gets beat and strangled by Divine, there are scences like this with Joan and Christina Crawford. I think there is a lot of Taffy in this film. And just imagine Joan Crawford played by Divine instead of Faye Dunaway.

Hear what John Waters has to say about the film, his audio commentary is a special feature on the re-release:
Introduction
When to watch Mommie Dearest
Eyebrow movie

And some screenshots:

opening shot
I love the opening shot. Very mysterious.

stairs!
It’s all about the stairs.

more stairs!
Diva stairs.

give me the presents
This is how I want to look when I receive presents.

shower
One of the best shower scenes.

my
Ever.

hair
Wet hair style.

cut
Wonderful.

the
The dress and the roses.

roses
Tina! Bring me the ax!

the ax
This is it.

no wire hangers
No more wire hangers –

ever
– ever!

The film has more great moments for your pleasure and I don’t want to give anymore details away, just in case you are like me and havn’t seen the flick. But the ax and the wire hangers scenes are probably the best known excerpts and they certainly shoot Mommie Dearest over the top.

If you happen to be in San Francisco in August, be sure to go to Peaches Christ Midnight Mass screening of the movie. The evening includes the performance of Trannie Dearest, a play by Peaches Christ and Heklina. This is going to be hilarious!

And, you can always buy the DVD.

Nancy’s Math Quiz: Beauty Day

Nancy chillin in her cosy bed

Photos by Bobby Sievert. German text below.

Yesterday was one of these days, when I was completely burned out. I took a rest and let myself go: beauty care, hanging around in my cosy bed and browsing my favorite books. It was just wonderful!

But when I wanted to compute some little things in the evening, I recognized that i sat on my calculator with my big butt. Damnit! The only buttons which still worked, were (+), (-), (*), (/), (=), (√), (1/x) and the numbers 1, 2, 3, and 4. Immediately I found out, that i could make several numbers by using each of the working buttons 1, 2, 3, and 4 exactly once every time:
5 can be made by punching 4*2=*1-3,
6 by punching 4/2=*3*1.

Can you work out all numbers from 1 to 20 in that way? Please write all your solutions and questions in the comments, so that everyone is informed. I wish you lots of fun and luck!
If you are the fastest, you will win wonderful long-lasting color for your eyebrows and lashes. This can be the highlight of your own beauty day. It will give you an extra expressive look.

xxx,
Nancy

Nancy readin Ti Puss

Gestern war mal wieder einer dieser Tage, an denen ich völlig ausgebrannt bin. Ich legte eine Pause ein und lies es mir einfach nur gut gehen: Schönheitspflege, in meinem gemütlichen Bett rumlümmeln und ein bisschen schmökern. Es war einfach nur herrlich! Als ich dann abends noch schnell ein paar Kleinigkeiten ausrechnen wollte, stellte ich fest, dass ich mich mit meinem dicken Hintern auf meinen Taschenrechner gesetzt hatte. Mist! Die einzigen Tasten, die noch funktionierten, waren (+), (-), (*), (/), (=), (√), (1/x) und die Ziffern 1, 2, 3, und 4. Schnell fand ich heraus, dass man etliche Zahlen erzeugen konnte, indem ich die funktionierenden Tasten 1, 2, 3 und 4 genau einmal benutzte:
5 erhielt ich z.B. durch 4*2=*1-3,
6 durch 4/2=*3*1.

Schaffst du es, alle Zahlen von 1 bis 20 auf diese Weise zu erzeugen? Bitte schreibt wie immer alle Lösungsvorschläge und Fragen in die Kommentare, damit alle was davon haben. Ich wünsche euch viel Spaß und Glück.
Wenn du die Schnellste bist, bekommst du für den krönenden Abschluss deines eigenen Wellnesstages dauerhafte Augenbrauen- und Wimpernfarbe als Gewinn. Damit Dein Blick noch Ausdruckstärker wird.

Eure Nancy

Just Nancy

New Math Quiz

Nancy has a new math quiz ready for you. It will be online on Monday, 9:00 h in the morning Toronto time, which is 3 in the afternoon in Germany. You can riddle in German and in English, it’s massive.
And she has some HOT pictures…

Also, be sure to vote for the next theme week at produzentin.com on the sidebar.
What produzentin eats is currently #1.

Stink Mitt Interview

Here is my interview with Vancouver’s own electro-pop-r’nb’-hiphop trio Stink Mitt, which I did last Saturday. The band consists of Jenni Craige & Betti Forde and is backed by producer/rapper/vocalist Bigstuff. They played this years North by Northeast music festival and I caught up with them at the music market, which was held at Toronto’s Dundas Square.

Check out their myspace site and listen to songs from their upcoming Red Album and their first offering, Scratch and Sniff.

We talk about their new songs Jabba the Slut and Marilyn Monroe Sleepover, Berlin and Betti and I sing a line from Let’s Pretend We’re Married by Prince.

Stream Marilyn Monroe Sleepover (Flash required):

Photos by Bobby Sievert.

Stink Mitt

stink mitt sandwich proddy

produzentin: I got to know your music when I moved to Toronto and Andrew and Will introduced me to it.
Obviously most of the native English speakers would get it, but I didn’t know what a Stink Mitt is. So for my German readers, what is a stink mitt?

Jenni: It is a festering vagina.

produzentin: Festering?

Jenni: Yeah, that’s one word to describe it. There are many: smelling, drenched, I don’t know, I like festering.

produzentin: When we met at the Powerball (a fundraiser for the Power Plant) you gave me your five track sampler from your new album which I played all week. How did Jabba The Slut happen? Did you get served by her?

Betti (laughing)

Jenni: We were having a Star Wars fixation. We were all making jokes. I was making jokes in reference of me being Jabba as Jabba the Hut, but I am Jabba the Slut. And Betti was working at a whore house, so we decided to make a track, sympathizing with the overweight, tired, nearly retired whores.

Betti: Who totally worked guys for money. They’d be older and out of shape. And there were these young hot chicks but they would totally get the guys to pay 300 dollars to fuck them. I was like: You fucking rule. You’re old, you’re fat and you still making men paying so much money just to fuck your ass. Because you are just that wicked. (laughing)

Jenni: From the public eye there is no love and there is no recognition so we thought it was just time to speak up.

produzentin: And how do the old women get the men? Do they have secret tricks?

Jenni: Oh, when you get to that age you have many secret tricks. I think that especially if you’re having to keep coming up with new things and reinventing yourself to the point that you are Jabba, it’s all about the mystery.

Betti: It’s called having game. If you are a sex worker and you can work it then you got game and Jabba has mad game. And that is what the lyrics are all about. With these suckers right now…

Jenni: … you can fuck many different layers of Jabba. She has got so much more to offer.

Produzentin: I guess she can handle many men at once.

Betti: Jabba is a superwhore.

Jenni: She can probably have sex through her various orphises with many men.

Marilyn

produzentin: The other song that I really really like is more pop, Marilyn Monroe Sleepover. Tell me all about it.

Jenni: Me and my girlfriend we get together every week and we try to joyfully kill ourselves with vodka and pills.

produzentin: Oh.

Jenni: Not in a sense that we are actually trying to commit suicide but definitely enjoying and loving. Betti and I have a tendency to just binge. Binge ourself to the point that it is happiness. It is virtual suicide.

produzentin: Which pills do you use?

Jenni: Vicodin and Percocet with vodka.

produzentin: These are downers?

Jenni: Oh yes, we always stay downtown. I’ve never lived uptown.

Produzentin: Downtown this is where I want to be. So what is it about you guys and Marilyn?

Betti: Jenni and I, we have a real fascination with Marilyn Monroe and we both know a lot about her. And when we were writing this song we were trying to interweave the most sordid details about her life, like she always hung out in her bathrobe which was covered in period stains and she was wasted all the time. And when she died, five men at the morgue had sex with her corpse.

Produzentin: Yeah, sure.

Betti: That is from Anthony Summers. He wrote Goddess, The Secret Lives of Marilyn Monroe, which is considered the most credible book on Marilyn Monroe. They were like: “œDude, I don’t care if it is a fucking corpse, it is Marilyn Monroe. I’m sticking my dick in Marilyn Monroe, dude.”
And the chorus is kind of what’s going through Marilyn”™s mind.

produzentin: Did you know that Mariah bought Marilyn”™s piano?

Betti: No, I didn’t know.

produzentin: She has it.

Jenni: The ironic thing is, they both couldn’t play it. It is never been played.

Automatic Attraction

produzentin: You took on the stage names Jenni Craige and Betti Forde. Today I have been to Jenny Craig”™s website and it reads: “œYou don’t have to be a celebrity to look like one.” Is this true?

Betti: Of course it is true. Celebrities don’t even look good. They just get airbrushed so they look good.

Jenni: We have this automatic attraction and people just wanna be us. We exert hotness on so many different levels, this is the back to the Jabba thing. Serious, I mean, it is kind of like that movie where Cheech and Chong, where Cheech had to scar his face so other people could get jobs. I really feel that…

Betti: … about Stink Mitt.

Jenni: Yeah, even at the playing ground. I could loose weight but my private trainer keeps me fat.

produzentin: So, it is not like with Missy Elliott, because they recommended to her, it would be good for her health to loose weight.

Jenni: No, he highly recommends that I stay on this weight and if I go under 200 pounds I would just die.

Jernny: It is like my therapist: “œStay on the booze and coke. If you go off the booze and coke you are gonna become so sane, you gonna loose your mind.”

produzentin: It would be sad.

Betti: It would be so sad. If I made money, that would be tragic. (laughing)

Jenni: And it would tear apart the band.

produzentin: You shouldn’t let it happen.

Berlin

Produzentin: As a German in Canada…

Betti: A German, a German”¦ (makes fun of my German accent and reaches for her bag to pull out a Deutsche Volkspolizei hat)

Jenni: (to Betti) No, you don’t pull that out.

Betti: We have the worst hated hat in Germany.

produzentin: Let’s have a look. Ooooohhh, wow.

Betti: I got it at Checkpoint Charlie in Berlin.

Jenni (in a thick German accent): Germans hate that hat. And our friend was like: (thick German accent): Take that hat off.

produzentin: (thick accent) Take that hat off.

(laughing)

produzentin: As a German in Canada I always wonder what is going on in Germany. What is going on in Berlin, I heard it is quite happening over there!

Betti: One time, we had to stay at this place Eschschloraque at the Hackesche Höfe. And there are these mechanical animals outside and tourists put a Euro in and they go like “mmmeeeh” and make loud noises. We were trying to sleep at 8 am. So sketched out, so hung over, so Jenni threw her dirty, shit stained underwear out of a bunch of tourists.

Jenni: I took off all my clothes and I layed like I was raping naked in the pathway of the bar and my friend was pissing over me from four stories up. It was fucking poetry.

produzentin: I’d love to have a picture of that.

Jenni: Oh yeah, it is on the net.

produzentin: I bet. Are you in Berlin quite often?

Jenni: Twice a year.

Betti: We got some friends there now. Like the DJ Moe and DJ Andre, Connie Opper, who does Co-op and who runs the Rio. And Walli who runs White Trash and of course Peaches and our real estate agent Neil. Lots of big ups Berlin. (laughing).

Whore Action

more stink mitt

produzentin: Have you ever met Avenue D? It would be a total slutfest, I guess, or would it be a bitchfest?

Jenni: I’m sure we would get along with those girls.

Betti: It would be slut on whore action.

Jenni: We’d definitely outwhore them.

produzentin: I’m sure. Who can compete with Jabba action?

Betti: I’m sure we’d like Avenue D. We heard they are really nice girls. And they worked with Larry Tee, didn’t they? They are friends with our friends, it is all love.

The Best Albums

produzentin: When is your new album coming out?

Betti: September 18th.

produzentin: What is the story behind the name The Red Album?

Jenni: Well, we were trying to release a compilation of Canadian artists or even international artists, women all doing menstruation songs. Then we looked and there was The White Album, The Black Album, I found a Brown Album and Betti was like: The Red Album. And we were like: Done. So that was it.

produzentin: What is the best album ever recorded?

Jenni: Del tha funkee homosapien, I Wish My Brother George Was Here.

Betti: 1999, Prince.

produzentin: My last question was going to be: What is the best Prince album ever recorded, because I know you are Prince fans?

Betti: My best track off that album would be Let’s Pretend We’re Married.

produzentin: And go all night?

Betti and produzentin sing: Let’s Pretend We’re Married and go all Night, I won’t stop until the morning light.

Jenni: I’d say Baby, You’re A Star is my favorite track.

Betti and produzentin: That is Purple Rain, though.

Jenni: Oh off 1999, I like Lady Cab Driver, I like Delirious.

Betti: Delirious is the shit.

Jenni: It is in the Cheech and Chong movie again.

produzentin: It is?

Jenni: It is from Still Smoking.

produzentin: Thank you for the interview, I love you.

Jenni and Betti: Thank you, we love you.

Poll Alert

On days like this I don’t know if it is better to give or to receive. Receive? Give? Receive? Give?

Whatever, I have added the first ever produzentin poll to the sidebar on the left. You can vote once a day and please do so. Or try to vote even more often. I’ll keep the poll open for a week or so.

Vote every day!
Let the cheating begin!

What should the next theme week at produzentin be about?

  • Mariah, again (we love her so much)
  • Kanye (we love him so much)
  • What produzentin eats (we just want to know)
  • Buddenbrooks by Thomas Mann week at produzentin.com (we love the book)
  • Power failure at produzentin.com (rescue me)
  • produzentin covers Prince songs (we love her voice)

The Blackout Trilogy – Part I

Nach langer, langer Pause meldet sich Toffi mit einer neuen Kolumne zurück. Ich konnte und wollte Toffi keinen Druck machen, da es ihm in letzter Zeit nicht so gut ging. Es hat mit seinem mittlerweile Ex-Freund zu tun. Es ist eine lange, verworrene und irgendwie komplizierte Geschichte. Und als ich dachte, jetzt hat er das Gröbste überstanden, wurde es noch krasser. Leider kann ich aus Kanada nur kurze Aufheiterungen durchs Telefon senden.
Trotz allem hat Toffi eine neue Kolumne geschrieben, der erste Teil seiner Blackout Trilogy:

So, hier mal ein kleines Lebenszeichen aus dem Loch, in dem ich mich gerade befinde:

Ein paar mal im Jahr habe ich ja immer die Anwandlung, ein paar Wochen lang keinen Alkohol zu trinken. Das fiel im letzten Jahr ausgerechnet in die Zeit, in der es auf der Kirmes in Düsseldorf den Pink Monday gibt. Den schwulen Tag mit grosser Ressonanz und viel Spass.
Vorher schaute ich bei einem Freund vorbei, sein Vater wollte uns hinfahren. Als ich dort um fünf Uhr nachmittags war, machte der mir sofort ein Bier auf und ich dachte mir, dass ja eins nicht schaden kann. Es schmeckte gut und als wir losfuhren hatte ich schon das dritte in der Hand.
Auf dem Pink Monday angekommen, war ich allerbester Dinge. Viele Bekannte getroffen und immer die Hand mit einem Bier gefüllt.

Ab ungefähr 1 Uhr kann ich mich an NICHTS mehr erinnern.

Mit meiner neuen besten Freundin
(Kurz darauf in der Rheinischen Post, meine Erinnerung kam dadurch nicht zurück)

Auf dem Nachhauseweg muss ich mich wohl irgendwie in die falsche Bahn gesetzt haben, denn als ich wieder zu dem Punkt kam, an den ich mich erinnere, war ich auf einem verlassenen Gelände. Immer noch besoffen.

Es sah aus wie ein stillgelegter U-Bahnhof, morgens, die Dämmerung schien grade einzusetzen. Ich versuchte nach draussen zu gelangen, aber alle Türen waren abgesperrt.
Völlig verzweifelt der Tatsache, dass ich NIE WIEDER da weg kommen würde, bin ich auf allen Vieren queer über die Schienen gekrochen und durch Hecken gewällert bis ich schließlich auf einer riesigen Baustelle ankam.

Kiesberge, Bagger, und was es da so alles gab. Und ein Container, in dem die Bauarbeiter wohl schliefen, jedenfalls war da ein Licht. So betrunken ich auch war, aber das erste was ich dachte war, “oh, da guck ich mal durchs Fenster, vielleicht sieht man ja ein paar geile Bauarbeiter”. Aber ich sah nur ein olles Loch mit ‘ner Kaffeemaschiene drin.

Ich hatte immernoch keine geringste Ahnung wo ich war. Und wusste natürlich auch nicht in welche Richtung ich gehen sollte. Ich lief einfach los und war 15 Minuten später auf einer Strasse, die ich allerdings nicht kannte. Ich sah eine Uhr, es war Viertel vor Sieben.

Die ersten Autos fuhren an mir vorbei und da ich mir nicht anders zu helfen wusste, fing ich an zu trampen. So wie ich aussah, Hose total dreckig und mit starrem Blick, hielt natürlich keine Sau an. Irgenwann ist ein Taxi an mir vorbei gefahren und so wurde ich ENDLICH nach Hause gebracht.

Ich weiss bis heute nicht, wo ich war, selbst im Taxi konnte ich mir den Weg nicht merken. Es kann nur nicht sehr weit weg gewesen sein.

Bezahlt habe ich acht Euro.

Hotnuts 2

I had a wonderful weekend. On Saturday I did a short interview with Vancouver’s Stink Mitt, which I will post soon. These girls are working it.

Saturday night was dj skinny divine’s aka leseighties and my second Hotnuts party. We djed at the packed Beaver and had a great time.

I was wearing my new balloon hat. I knew that it wouldn’t last all night but when a guest burst my bubble I was very mad. So I went to the mic, interrupted beautiful dj skinny divine (who did my brilliant eye make up), and said: “That drunken, black haired bitch better get out of here now, because I’m very mad and I can’t control it”. She had the nerve to step on and walk down the bar. I was raving mad and looking for a drink to pour all over her. Luckily for her, she got thrown out one minute later and I could reclaim my crown. And that was that.

Thanks to Anthony and Bobs for taking the pictures. Watch all of them after the jump.

dj skinny divine and I
dj skinny divine and I

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spike me

A couple of weeks ago I saw Inside Man. I thought it was thrilling, I liked the twists, his social commentaries and didn’t care about plot holes (maybe there weren’t any). When I see a good Spike Lee movie (like 25th Hour and Summer of Sam), I fall in love with him all over again.

It all began when I saw him as an actor in his debut, She’s Gotta Have It. As his alter ego, Mars Blackmon, he also appeared in the Nike commercials for Air Jordans (pictures below).

Mars

With my refreshed interest I went to my local videotheque, Queen Video, to rent She Hate Me, which I missed when it came out in 2004. It sounded like a promising flick with 18 lesbians and all, but it was too durcheinander for me. I only made it through the movie because of the very cute Hauptdarsteller and Q-Tip.

Blackmon

And now it seems Spike Lee goes German:

  • In She Hate Me, David Bennet of Die Blechtrommel fame, plays a German Wissenschaftler, who commits suicide after a few minutes in the film.
  • Inside Man has some kind of German background (won’t say because I don’t want to spoil it)
  • According to this German interview, Spike’s next project is a film about Joe Louis und Max Schmeling. He just sent Franka Potente the script and wants her to play Max’s wife (and Martin Wuttke to play Hitler).

I’m probably as excited as Schranka Polente (sorry for that old Christian Ulmen joke). But I really am.

i have it (downloaded)

Get the brilliant song Another Man by Barbara Mason (released on Westend Records in 1983) at the wonderful new disco, garage and electro blog First Choice:

What can you do when your man is untrue
There is another man in my life

Another man is beating my time
Another man is loving mine

There was a little bit to much sugar
And you were to sweet

And I love the spoken part:

I had gone out one day
And bought me a very, very sexy dress
And opened up my closet
And it had disappeared
Lord, I hope the man is not wearing my …
… uuuhhh child!

I discovered First Choice via the always amazing Disco Delivery.

i want it (wishlist)

My face for the world to seeThis is what I want. Mommie Dearest. In fact, I want the Hollywood Royalty Edition on D.V.D. which was released today. It has a commentary by John Waters as a special feature. This is so for me. Gay gayness. I want it.

Plot synopsis (by an online retailer):
An account of the life and times of one of our greatest actresses as seen through the eyes of an adopted darling daughter. The huge burden of following in the footsteps of Joan Crawford (Faye Dunaway) by a daughter Christina (Diana Scarwid) desiring to please her mother, brings an almost insurmountable load of pressure to bear on her.

double trouble

double pleasureYou know I love me some Kanye. Here he is in the video to Pharrell’s new single, Number One. When I see them together I imagine they are a gay power couple, singing their number one tune to each other.
The video is directed by Hype Williams but kind of langweilig. I love the cheapo lensflares, nonetheless.
I get butterflies when I hear Kanye’s voice. Number One. Smashing. Tell me how you lo that. Summer hit.

doggie pleasureIn Drive Slow, Kanye’s own new single, he looks like a little doggy, cruising. I bet he is a naughty little doggy. Woof.
I wish this video had some lensflares, but I guess you can’t have it all.

Mode Depesche #4 – In die Fashionwüste?

The latest issue of Cologne based fashion fanzine Mode Depesche was published in May (their website has an older issue for your viewing pleasure). I’ve written a column about my shopping adventures in Canada. Read the article after the jump.

My behind glamorized by Mariah and Pandy

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